i have studied this painting by Van Gough in several classes throughout the last five years of my life. my senior year of high school i had to do a project on it, i have been tested on it in humanities and art history classes, my sophomore year of college i wrote a paper about it, then soon after i got to see it in real life in new york city. through all of that time spent with this painting i have never been particularly moved by it. till friday night. i was sitting in the car driving eight hours to charlotte. i had a lot on my mind and my heart has been heavy with many things lately. as i was looking out the window a song came on and as i began to sing i looked up at the sky. the words repeated in my head, "you are good, when there is nothing good in me...you are true, even in my wandering...i'm running to your arms, the riches of your love will always be enough" i have been so caught up in how far i feel, in my doubt, in my worry, in my anxious thoughts. i have found myself questioning things i never have before, i have found myself thinking things that i have heard but never felt myself and felt so awful for doing so. but all of that was suddenly and so simply taken away. the burden was lifted because even when i wander, even when i question, even when the darkness closes in, God is still God. i just sat there starring and for whatever reason i thought of this painting, of Van Gough. his life=crazy. and for the first time i related to his crazy life and for the first time this painting meant something to me. "you are light, even when the darkness closes in". THAT is what i see, THAT is how this painting makes me feel. and the beauty of this painting is a pale imitation of the real thing. i am so amazed that the same God who created THAT sky created ME. and for the first time in a while i didn't have to correct my crazy head or calm my anxious thoughts, suddenly i could just feel Him holding me and feel His heart in mine.
No comments:
Post a Comment